Faisla tumko bhool jaane ka... ek naya khwab hai deewane ka

Nice thought! It’s a beautiful life, and every day unravels numerous opportunities; to do things differently or to do different things. We make a choice at every point about what we do; it is true that our choices are half chances and so are everybody else’s; it still is a choice that 'we' make.

I have realized, that sometimes we choose certain things, only in the hope, that it will eventually turn into something different; the way we would like it to be. This often results in disheartenment, if things don’t turn out as we wished. And then, because we spent so much time trying to change things, we stick on, and wait with the hope that the change will soon happen. More often than not, such changes do not happen, and then we quit with bitter feelings.

Maybe, it is a good thing to make a choice based on things ‘as is’ rather than hoping for change. At least there is clarity that this was what we signed up for, and just this feeling will make us happy. If they change for the better, then it’s a bonus, else we are happy anyways.

Finally, the choice to get into something is as important as, to know when to get out of it. Too often, we get very attached to our choice and forget to move on.

I like the line, in this context…

Faisla tumko bhool jaane ka… Ek naya khwab hai deewane ka :)
A decision made, to forget you… The lover has a new dream now :)

Feelings

I feel happy
I feel sad...
When I think too much
I feel bad...

Then I wonder
what went wrong...
Well...
maybe the thoughts are focused
on the wrong song:)

Beautiful lyrics - Sahir Ludhianvi

Chalo ek baar phir se, ajnabi ban jaye hum dono

Na main tumse koi ummeed rakhoon dilnavaazi ki
Na tum meri taraf dekho galat andaaz nazaron se
Na mere dil ki dhadkan ladkhadaaye meri baaton mein
Na zaahir ho tumhaari kashm-kash ka raaz nazaron se

Tumhen bhi koi uljhan rokti hai peshkadmi se
Mujhe bhi log kehte hain, ki yeh jalve paraaye hain
Mere hamraah bhi rusvaaiyaan hain mere maajhi ki
Tumhaare saath bhi guzri hui raaton ke saaye hain

Taarruf rog ho jaaye to usko bhoolnaa behtar
Taalluk bojh ban jaaye to usko todnaa achchha
Voh afsaana jise anjaam tak laana na ho mumkin
Use ek khoobsoorat mod dekar chhodna achchha

Chalo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaaye ham dono

At home and working

I am working from home today...
A last minute holiday was declared due to the bandh in the city
Did not matter too much since I had work to finish.

How things change...
A few years ago, I would have been watching some nice movie or
doing something fun at a friends'place if I were to get a surprise holiday
Or doing what I do best... Sleep...

Today, all I want to do is finish up everything I have;
so that I start afresh on Monday...

I hope to get this Mission Accomplished by end of day today!!

Next trip planned :)

I am all set for my next trip...Will meet my uncle and bring my sister home...Nice... Wanted to go this past week itself, but work kept me at home; besides I did not feel a 100% about going.

So mid June it is; when mom and I will go to Mumbai and bring A home:)Will hopefuly make my trip to Silvassa as well...Seems like a while since I met mama... and feel like it too.I am excited about the whole thing... about the baby...am looking forward to being called 'chitti'; wow will be special.

Now what remains is, to get my leave approval...I am good at this... have mastered this art well:)

I remember to forget!

As much as I try forgetting,
I recollect every little detail even more clearly...
So I think, I should quit trying.

May be the thoughts will fade away slowly,
without my knowledge...
and I will not feel the feeling... whatever that may be.

I remember to forget, and...
I should forget to remember
then things will eventually fall in place.

Some lines I like

Urdu: Hazaaron khwahishen aisi ke har khwahish pe dam nikle
Trans: Thousands of desires, each worth dying for
Urdu: Bahut nikle mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikle
Trans: Many have I realised...yet I yearn for more

Urdu: Nikalna khuld se aadam ka sunte aaye hain lekin
Trans: We have heard about the dismissal of Adam from Heaven (the biggest disgrace)
Urdu: Bahur be aabroo hokar tere kooche se ham nikle...
Trans: With more humiliation, did I leave the street, on which you live...

Urdu: Mohobbat mein nahi hai fark jeene aur marne ka
Trans: When in love, there is no difference between life and death
Urdu: Usi ko dekhkar jeete hain jis kaatil pe dam nikle
Trans: We live by looking at the infidel for whom we are willing to die

And I move on...

I feel very light and happy today. I am confident about the choice I made, and the path I have chosen to tread. Just the fact that, it is my decision and I am completely responsible for the consequences makes me comfortable.

There is no fear of loss or sense of rejection, since I made my decision irrespective of all the other factors involved. It did take tons of courage and loads of encouragement to get here; but the moment I told myself that “I need to move on”; there was no doubt in my mind.

I believe in the Bach quote which says, “When you love someone, set it free; if it comes back it’s yours, else it never was”; most people may think that this is a very cowardice stance, since one does not want to accept defeat. My point is that, this is not a game, where you either fear defeat, or are elated because of winning. It is a basic human emotion to love and feel loved. It is sad, that we often equate "unexpected" response to rejection.

I have learned a lot in the past couple of months and have had many good times as well. So now, I have decided to move on; I will cherish all these memories, and hope to have a smile on my face when I think about it all, someday in the future.

I have faith that there are good things in store for me, and I need to seize the day because I realize, that life is very long and we have very little time.

The Independant Indian Woman?

Is the Indian woman truly independent? Does she really live the life she wants to live?
Is she truly free in thought, action and speech?

We talk about saving the girl child, equality between the sexes, equal opportunity and many such other things, that sound very nice; but at the grass root level or even in the so called educated and upper class society does the woman get to set the rules for her own life; forget everyone else's...

Why is it that even though she is financially and mentally independent, she needs the emotional support from her kin; and to get that she gives in, to way too many things, as against the opposite sex. How easy is it for a 'man' to walk out of a relationship or say 'may be we should part ways if "you" think this does not work'; he more often than not makes it seem like it is 'her' choice and he is only doing what he is asked to do. I wonder how, it does not take a split second, for a man to make such a statement about the lady, who has given close to everything to him; who has supported him through the good and bad times, without a sigh or a second thought about the consequences.

When he hits rock bottom financially, she fends for the household without even stating the fact; she makes sure her children still respect the 'man' in the family, and does not even mention about the financial contributor; she still does every other daily chore and it is business as usual for her. When she does all this, the 'man' thinks she is doing more than usual, to put him down and prove to him that 'he' is not good enough. His ego supersedes everything else and this woman, who once meant everything to him, is reduced to 'next to nothing'. She does not utter a word, since she understands that he is losing confidence and needs support; he sees this silence as her arrogance and says and does things, that no woman 'should' tolerate.

I wonder what the woman goes through mentally and emotionally during these times... Does she not want to yell at him and ask him to leave? Does she think about her children and their future, and about her parents and their feelings? Does she think about the society? If yes, then I still ask, will all these people support her in all her decisions, irrespective of the consequences? If yes, then should she not stand for her rights and fight for what she deserves? Should she not be more practical and less emotional to save her self respect?

Seems easy... And is very hard... I know...

But, these are still my asks of the Indian woman... We can only call ourselves free... when we are able to do things we believe in, with no fear of loss.